fefeta:

someone: quit bouncing your leg
me: hesitates but continues to lowkey bounce my leg

View text
  • 7 years ago
  • 617777

unclefather:

robber: *breaks into my house*
me: can I help you find anyth-
robber: just looking

View text
  • 7 years ago
  • 335067

jonnortrash:

patheticgayblog:

I DIED

i’m the first guy who got hetrosexual s'mores on his shirt and prompty took it off

View video
  • 7 years ago
  • 285311
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 461639

harinef:

twiabpup:

she tried to like MURDER ME!!!!

oh my god??

View video
  • 7 years ago
  • 222104
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 362979
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 155
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 148
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 279

letshearitforthisclown:

im a male feminist, i have a fleshlight just to eat it out

View text
  • 7 years ago
  • 134564
View photo
  • 7 years ago
  • 69559

concept

  • me, in the year 2040, getting ready for a fancy dinner party, standing in front of my antique gold vanity mirror, wearing a saint laurent f/w 2039 evening gown and cartier diamond earrings, taking a sip of champagne:what did you learn at school today, honey? :-)
  • my future child, laying on my king-sized bed with burgundy satin sheets:not much, in history we talked about the 2016 election. do you remember any of that?
  • me:drops my crystalline wineglass
View chat
  • 7 years ago
  • 453770

violent-choices:

I told this girl I liked the perfume she was wearing, and she legit got it out of her bag and sprayed it on me like ‘here girl smell sexy with me too’. she was so cute I hope she has a good life

View text
  • 7 years ago
  • 402888
  • Anonymouswhat is the difference between falling in love and having a crush
  • motherearthsign

    if they get a haircut and they’re ugly it’s a crush

  • This could be L-O-V-E

    shenko:

    that’s a weirdly valid point

View answer
  • 7 years ago
  • 255492

localsuccubus:

Why do we all have that ugly boy that broke our hearts

View text
  • 7 years ago
  • 135639
x